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Our Way Out West

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Channeling all my happy places and mentally visiting them often for the next 6 days of chaos and insanity as we finish up our second trimester of PA school 😁😅😓🥺😭 • Please send your #ThoughtsAndPrayers ... or maybe just a couple of @pabstblueribbon

🌱🏔🌃2019🌇🩺🌳 • This year was rough. • I moved away from all my friends and family to a city that scared the shit out of me. I started grad school which was way more time consuming and challenging than I could have ever imagined. I had to endure the death of yet another parent, this time while I was away from all the support systems I could previously rely on. I fought with my depression, anxiety, loneliness, and health on a daily basis just trying to keep my head above water and stay in school. • This year was amazing. • I got accepted into PA school at an incredible university with a world-class hospital system in one of the greatest major US cities. I learned more about the human body, how to build people up and help them with whatever ailment they face. I explored the southern tip of South America with a great friend and saw landscapes that’ll paint my memories forever. I picked up a new sport with my brothers and took it to the desert where we laughed and sang and played like we were kids again. I stood at my best friend’s side as he married his person. I moved across the country and met some of the most inspiring and beautiful souls I never knew existed. I held my stepmom’s hand and told her of memories I cherished and things she taught me as she took her final breaths. I felt support from so many and was constantly in awe of how much people truly care. I grew exponentially as a person and am learning more about what it’s like to live authentically, be vulnerable, and face what challenges the world decides I’m due for next. • I said I love you to those I care for more than I ever have in the past. And it feels really, really good. Here’s to more growth, more life, and more love in the new year. • -ev 🤘🌄💙

My dad has a rocking chair we all joke about putting dibs on when he ends up getting rid of it. • Before Heather died, she came up with the idea to get each of us a custom made rocker made in her memory so we could “stop the bickering”. They were delivered to my dad two days after her funeral, three months ago. And today we all got one for Christmas. • Now we each have a piece of her to take with us and share with our friends and loved ones for years to come. • “No matter where life takes you, you will always come home to these chairs and the memory of how much Heather loves each of you.” • I am so honored and blessed to have a piece of her in my home for the rest of my time on this earth. Thank you H, and thank you pops for facilitating such a meaningful gift. • Here’s to you, Heath. Happy 50th birthday to my stepmother, my parent, my mentor, and my friend. Miss you like crazy and I love you to infinity and beyond 💫🎄💙

🌞🌵🌻sunshine🌻🌵🌞 • I stood in the sun today. • For 10 minutes at lunch I stood. With my eyes closed, I let it warm my skin before it dipped behind a building and I shuffled back to class. It may not sound like much, but it was everything. It felt warm. Welcome. Familiar. A reminder. • Sometimes the sun is so present it’s hard to avoid. Its relentless light beams through your entire day, filling you with warmth and charging you so full that when it finally sets you’re left feeling at max capacity, utterly exhausted. • Other times though, it may only show for a few minutes. Or it could be obscured for weeks on end and you’re left feeling empty and sunken and wilted day after day after day. • But even when the clouds block its view, the sun sits behind them somewhere. Even when you trick yourself into thinking the light has left for good and the clouds will never move, the sun persists. It rises and sets, waiting for an opportunity to light up the sky as it did once before and it will do once again. • And sometimes the sun must be sought. Sometimes you have to rush out for 5 minutes in the middle of what you’re doing to just look up and say, “There, there it is! I haven’t seen it for days but I can see it and I can feel it and it’s there right now! Look!” • We all need sun. And even when it doesn’t feel like there’s any out there, it’s waiting just behind the cloud. And that cloud is sure to pass - maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, or maybe it is passing right now. • At times we wait for it. And at times the light must be found. But whether we see it or not, the sun is there. • The sun is always there. • 📷: soaking in the rays on The Grand - a time when the sun was a bit easier to see and a bit easier to feel 🌞🏜🛶

🦌🌲🏔Heather🏔🌲🦌 • I dreamt of her the other night. I heard her laugh. I saw her smile. I felt her poking me in the armpits which drove me absolutely crazy. I was engulfed in her warmth, her comfort, her presence. • I woke up feeling it all so close to my heart. But as time passed it slowly left my brain, drifting further from my conscious. I wanted nothing more than to hold it close for a little longer. Be comforted by her memories for just a moment more. But it drifted and drifted until I was awake in bed at 3 AM willing myself to fall back asleep as soon as possible so I could see her again. • But I was grasping at smoke. • It was painful leaving Colorado Sunday to go back to my new home. It was more than just sad. It was nostalgic and wistful and hurt and heartbroken and grateful all in one. And I wanted so fucking badly to just text her and tell her how sad I was and how badly I missed her and how much I couldn’t wait to be back home in a few weeks to see everyone. • But I couldn’t. And that hit me like a fist to the gut. So instead I cried as I wrote this on the airplane. • Grief is a wild thing. You never know when the waves are gonna crash and you’ll be swept out to sea. But it’s also a beautiful thing... That my brain let me dream of her face and her hugs and her infectious laughter. I hope that the pain gets lighter. And I also hope that the dreams and the memories and her presence never leave. • I miss her so, so much. • 💙 • 📷: photos from Elk Camp in NW Colorado - one of her absolute favorite times of the year. A queen amongst her castle of granite peaks. With her family who she loved more than the world. And who love her back just the same.

🏙🌱🌃6 in Chi🌃🌲🏙 • Today marks 6 months since I moved to Chicago. I could write a long reflection about my time here so far, but I have studying to do so I’ll try to be concise. • It’s been an incredibly difficult 6 months: adjusting to a workload I’ve never experienced, making new friends in a new city, dealing with the death of a parent from afar, and so much more. But I’ve done it so far. And I’m still here. I’m still standing. I’m still learning. And I’m damn proud of that. • I have so much to be thankful for here in my new city. Opportunities I’d never have had if I hadn’t moved. Friends I’ve made that’ll be in my life forever. Knowledge I’ve acquired that’ll apply to my future career as a PA. I’m truly so grateful for everyone and everything that has helped me grow where I’m currently planted. And I’m excited for the time I have left here. • I love this city. And even though it’s really, really hard being here sometimes, I know I’m right where I’m meant to be. • “It might be time for you to go. It might be time for you to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word for you: leave. Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it?”

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